Not as Planned...

                                                               

Like many of us, I am not good with change.  The closing of a chapter is usually met with resistance, fear or even sadness, even though nine times out of ten the next chapter ends up being so much better! To me it is still an ending, the unknown, a goodbye of sorts and I’ve never been good at goodbyes.  Even though I know that a new chapter cannot begin until the old one is finished, it is never an easy place for me to be: in transition, between chapters…

At the beginning of this summer I had high expectations! I thought I was starting a new journey, THE journey, the long awaited journey that I have spent years preparing for.  I began this summer thinking that it would end with me launching my online art business (and it still will).  However, due to financial commitments, it will also end with me seeking outside employment in order to fund this new business venture. It feels like the death of a dream in a way.  This is not how I had envisioned it, not what I pictured it would look like and certainly not how I had planned!


                                  PAINTING IN PROGRESS

This painting does not turn out anything like this when finished
(just like my life, may paintings never go "as planned")

                                   

I can look at this “unexpected change of plans” as a failure, that somehow I am not fulfilling “my” dream as I had envisioned it (when does life ever go as we planned it anyway!) OR I can let “my” dream go and allow the ultimate dream maker to have His way.  I can choose to trust Him and His promises: “no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those that love Him” 1 Corinthians 2:9. I choose to trust Him, the one who loves me, the one who has my best interest at heart, the one who holds me in the palm of His hand. 

I know that He wants my art to be seen, to be shared, yes even to be purchased, but more importantly He wants me to share Him.  As with everything else in my life He must come first: “but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well” Matthew 6:33.  I have never danced just for the sake of dancing, or written just for the sake of writing and I cannot paint just for the sake of painting.  It has to be about him, for Him, inspired by Him and guided by Him, just like my life.

Did I lose sight of that in the beginning of the summer…I don’t honestly know, but what I do know is that He loves me too much to allow me to journey down that particular road for long.


And here is the finished painting...

                                

I love the way it turned out. No, it is not what I had planned, nor what I originally envisioned.  Before I put my paintbrush to the canvas I was envisioning an abstract in light colors with circles and maybe a triangular shape, but just like our life it had to unfold and evolve.  Why do I fight the process so much, in my life and in my art?! Here's praying that I can learn to go with the flow a little bit better in the future (knowing me, probably not!)